Shower of bastards

Well, NaNoWriMo has got off to an alright start but I can’t help noticing that, like last year, I might have had less grief just writing about an average, unattractive accountant from Hull. The thing is, writing nasty characters is just too much fun.

I suppose it was inevitable. After visiting a local mausoleum on a housing estate and reading up on the family’s colourful history, I found myself drawn to one chap from the 16th century who seems to have had his fair share of adventures. And that’s how Archie swaggered into my manuscript. So far, he seems to be a combination of Morten Harket, Adam Ant and Labyrinth-era David Bowie (the 80s is still haunting my writing, quelle surprise).

(Oh Morten. With your lovely cheekbones. Lovely, lovely cheekbones. I’m sorry, what was I saying?)

As if that wasn’t enough, a Supporting Bastard has turned up, in the form of a certain Francis Stewart, 4th Earl of Bothwell. His uncle is the Bothwell best known for murdering Lord Darnley then marrying Mary Queen of Scots, but Francis has a somewhat curious tale, including accusations of witchcraft against James VI. Some seriously meaty stuff here.

It all means there’s a very high chance of swooshy capes, interesting facial hair and Erroll Flynn-style sword fights. Which will make a change from scruffy jeans, bum fluff and Eastenders-style brawls. Teenagers, eh?


I wouldn’t say Archie’s more of a responsible adult, though. So far, he’s threatened my girls, shot a man dead in front of them, more or less kidnapped them and is now holding some kind of conference of bastards at a castle so devious, it’s making Alan B’Stard look like an amateur. I must remember to give him some redeeming qualities, or else it veers wildly from Jerk With A Heart Of Gold to Jerk With A Heart Of Jerk. And that’s a trope I’m saving for the real villains. Look upon my work, last year’s characters, and despair!


*glowers with jealousy*

This time, there’s a pair of fourteen-year-old girls somewhere in the plot, which I’m hoping will keep the manuscript somewhat more PG rated. I’m trying to be good, honest. Although there might be some 16th century rude words. And fighting. And possibly some ladies of ill-repute.

Must...not...include...duelling scars...

Must…not…include…duelling scars…

Oh, who am I kidding? I love writing bastards. Roll on the next fight scene. *squashes their angry little faces*


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